Anti-Cheese

The Anti-Cheese
The Anti-Cheese strives to ruin the experience of good Cheese for all those who eat it.

Subtle are his tricks; making an individual pair a bad wine with a good cheese, for example. Or letting a follower consume month-old crackers they had in the cupboard but forgot about, which now contains weevils and other monstrosities. One needs exercise true caution in avoiding the Anti-Cheese.

Rise of the Anti-Cheese
There was once a cheese maker named Edam. He was the best cheese maker The Slice had ever seen. One would expect that a man of such stature would be boastful. However, he was not. In fact, he was a humble and just man, contented with the the cheese he produced and his quaint life. He also unselfishly shared his cheese with his fellow men. His righteous qualities endeared him to The Mother Cow, who always made sure Edam's pastures were always fertile, his livestock healthy,and his cheese enough to last for many seasons.

For many years, Edam would enjoy the honor bestowed upon him as the best cheese maker. One day, a young man named Blue (as in blue cheese) arrived at his quarters to ask for an apprenticeship. Now, Blue made the Pilgrimage to The Slice in search of greener pastures. He was sick of his native land, The Splice, the land of processed cheese. The Splice oppressed all of its people to work in factories day and night to produce cheese for the aristocrats.

Edam decided to give the young man an opportunity. In no time, Blue proved to be a most reliable and dedicated apprentice. Blue took pride that Edam was his mentor and that he learned only the finest techniques of cheese making. Edam watched in awe at his young apprentice's progress. Having no children of his own, Edam decided that Blue would be the most suitable successor to the title of Best Cheese Maker.

One day, Blue asked Edam what his secret to cheese making was. Blue had been gathering the courage to ask his mentor the question and was anxious to hear Edam's answer.

After a long pause, Edam finally answered, "I have a cow who is a direct descendant of the majestic Gouda, one of the Two Great Cows. Aye! You better believe it, lad. I kid you not, that cow is the finest creature to be seen in all of The Slice!"

Blue was astonished by his mentor's revelation. "Where can this fine cow be found?" He couldn't help but ask.

"This cow resides in a meadow far away from here. Aye! I shall give you a map one day! That meadow is blessed by the Mother Cow herself and is sacred to her. Anyone who dare obliterate its beauty will suffer only the most wicked consequences!"

Blue's curiosity grew a hundredfold. He wanted to find the meadow and perhaps even touch the great cow of his mentor. Just a touch! But Edam's warning echoed through his mind. This immediately dampened his spirits.

For some time, Blue kept his curiosity at bay. He went about his usual routine and tried to lose himself in work. Nonetheless, his desire to see the meadow overwhelmed him during the wee hours of the night. It took him all of his self-control to not run to the sacred meadow.

Some years passed and the meadow somehow slipped from his mind. But one day, a most surprising visit happened. In his humble quarters, Blue saw the arrival of his sister, Cottage. They have not seen each other since Blue left The Splice. Cottage looked distressed. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"M-m-mother is sick! The healer would only cure mother if a cow blessed by the Mother Cow herself is brought to The Splice and is sacrificed."

Blue was aghast. Now, he had no choice but to steal Edam's sacred cow now. It pained him greatly but he loved his mother so dearly... and so it had to be done.

And so one evening, Blue sneaked off to Edam's quarters and rummaged through his belongings. When he finally found the map, he immediately headed to the meadow.

The meadow proved to be harder to find than Blue thought. It was a bitterly cold night and his nerves were on the edge. He only had a bow and some arrows to protect him the forces that may be. After hours of searching, fatigue overtook him. His mission seemed to be futile.

Then he saw something that instantly awakened his senses. He saw a shadow move in the corner of his eye. Panic immediately shot through his veins. What if somebody saw him here? Of course, the meadow was a secret place... but what if... What if they knew of his betrayal? He couldn't let it happen! he gripped his bow more tightly. Yes, he would be prepared to kill.

He heard the heavy footsteps... he saw the shadow looming closer... and he shot an arrow to the direction of the shadow. A long pause. He suddenly regretted that he wasted an arrow for nothing.

He walked around trying to retrieve his arrow when he found a sight most horrifying: Edam's blessed cow, lying down on the earth, an arrow lodged deeply into its head. The cow had probably roamed beyond the meadow at night.

Blue couldn't move. Couldn't react. He gripped his hair in his hands, ready to pull it off. "Oh why... what have I done?!?"

This is when the Mother Cow appeared and spoke gravely, "Have I not trusted you? You have killed my sacred cow. Alas, we all pay for the decisions we make. You will be paying your penance. From heretofore, you are banished from the lands of The Slice."

Blue cried and begged for forgiveness but his sin was too grave. And so, no hope was there to be had for his mother. His apprentice was over, too.

And so, Blue moved out of The Slice. he eventually found a land he envisioned to be as bountiful as the lands of The Slice were. However, the land was only barely acceptable. He tried raising livestock and producing cheese but it was all in vain. He finally became disillusioned. He would avenge himself. He condemned naturally-produced cheese throughout his life. He returned to The Splice and rose to the rank of dictator.

As dictator, he oppressed all the more the people of The Splice and increased exponentially the number of processed cheese. He invaded other lands and forced them to buy only processed cheese lest they be executed. Fine wine was also prohibited. Bad crackers became abundant.

Blue named himself the Anti-Cheese and formed the Cheese-luminati, forcing the populace to be a part of it. The people were brainwashed and thus they continue to spread the evil of the Anti-Cheese.